Please Go Away, continued

 you're anxious about things in general--you're probably already in a condition of heightened arousal. You stand in peril of your adventure away from home making you -- and everyone with you -- feel more uptight than you were before you left.

By starting off with a healthy mind-set, you allow room for yourself to be flexible. If glitches occur in your plans (and most vacations, even to Florida, include glitches of one kind or another) you can bounce back. Carol and her new husband Mike, for instance, took a honeymoon vacation to Mexico that could have turned into the "vacation from hell." Carol explains: "I left my purse with most of our money in it on a little bench outside the airport, and naturally it disappeared. We knew we could get more from Mike's credit card, so we didn't worry about it all that much, although we did have to scrape together loose change to pay the cab driver. What really scared us was that when the cabby got us to our hotel, there wasn't any -- it had burned down a couple of weeks before we arrived! So there we were, in an unfamiliar city, unable to speak the language, with no place to stay and hardly any money."

But the couple's predicament, potentially disastrous, turned into just the opposite. "The cab driver turned out to be a huge help," Carol says. "He actually found us a better, less expensive place to stay than our original spot would have been!"





The reason the honeymoon worked out was that Carol and Mike were resilient and optimistic. They took advantage of the help that was available without being demanding, bossy, or hysterical. Their attitude led to the cab driver's eagerness to rescue a friendly couple in distress.

A vacation from hell usually gets that way because of the attitude of the traveler. If you start your vacation believing that any variation from the program is a disaster, you may be in for some anxious times. And if you go on vacation with delusions of grandeur ("When I travel I expect to be treated like the Queen of Sheba"), you will probably be disappointed, unless you actually are the Queen of Sheba. Stick up for yourself if you believe you're not getting what you need, but assume that the staff of the various places you go want to treat you fairly and honestly. Taking care of tourists is their profession, and Florida is one of the premier tourist destinations in North America. Remember, too, that Florida is a southern state, laid back and gracious. If your routine at home has you hopping to a rigid time schedule, take off your wrist watch the minute you arrive.

ANTI-STRESS PRESCRIPTION

You can help to maximize the pleasure and minimize the stress of your vacation by doing some preparation ahead of time. Before Ponce de Leon left Spain to find the fountain of youth in St. Augustine, he spent months preparing for his trip. Some pre-planning won't hurt you, either. Here are a few simple things you can do to make things shipshape before you embark: Put your name and address on your luggage. If your stuff gets lost, don't panic. The earth is round, not flat, and nothing falls off the edge of it. If something goes to the wrong airport, the airline will find it and get it to you, provided you have your name on it. Lost luggage is a common affliction. It is not life-threatening. Take any really important things -- medications and other critical items -- as carry-on items. Never leave items unattended. Make copies of all your hotel and plane reservations and confirmations and remember to take them with you. If the hotel screws up your accommodations, you can prove you're in the right by showing them your registration numbers. Copy off your passport, too, if you think you might be leaving the States (on a short cruise, for instance). Bring along your driver's license or other identification with your picture on it. Give yourself plenty of time between connections. Bring along a roll of one-dollar bills for tips so you don't have to make change. Bring a good book. Forget fashion; bring comfortable shoes. Bring any medicines you might need and an extra pair of dentures, if you wear them. A spare pare of eyeglasses or contacts is a good idea, too. Call your airline 24 hours before departure to confirm your reservations, for the return flight as well as on the way to Florida. Bring your camera. Once you're back home, photographs and videos of your Florida experience will enable you to relive the adventure all over again. Pack an umbrella. You can see a Florida rainstorm coming from a long way off. The sky is spectacular, and the weather show doesn't usually last long, but when it's raining the drops can be the size of warm, wet quarters. Sunglasses, a wide-brimmed hat and sunblock are essential. Purchase them here in Florida. You'll be delighted with the assortment. If you're coming to the Sunshine State in the winter, don't worry about buying bathing suits and other summer wear at home. The selection in Florida will be better. Leave room in your suitcase for the yummy purchases you'll be making. Do NOT call your office. Do NOT bring your laptop. Same is true for your pager, your briefcase full of work, your electronic ticker tape . . . If you truly are the anxious type, it's helpful to make a careful list of what you should bring. Anxious people invest more time than necessary planning for and worrying about the future, so accept the notion that you've probably prepared for too many contingencies and have therefore packed more than you'll need. If you're flying, arrive at the airport with plenty of time to spare -- more than an hour. When you finally board the airplane, tear up the list and put whomever you're traveling with in charge. (If you're traveling alone, don't tear up the list. It will help keep you feeling secure.) When you get to Florida, do activities that make you feel like a child again. Laugh as much as possible! It's good for you and everyone around you. People who've been feeling a little depressed may have a slightly different set of variables to deal with. In effect, traveling can work as a kind of anti-depressant, inspiring our cerebral cortex to be curious about what's going on around us. For some, a release from the blues might cause a noticeable elevation of spirit. Beware that the sudden "up" feeling doesn't cause you to spend more money than you'd bargained for, or you'll be depressed again when you return home! Decide before you leave on a realistic budget and buy traveler's checks to be your revenue pool. Don't be stingy about how much spending money you put in the pool. There are things to buy, do, and see that you simply won't run into anywhere else, and it's worth it to spend money on them. If you don't get a chance to do everything you wanted to, don't despair. The state of Florida plans to be around for a long time, and you can return whenever you want. The Sunshine State will welcome you back again and again.

TRAVELING WITH FRIENDS

"The place we went to was great, but the couple we traveled with were a drag. They fought all the time and never wanted to do anything. To tell you the truth, I couldn't wait to get home," lamented Dick, after an eagerly anticipated but ultimately disappointing vacation. We each have different comfort levels when it comes to how much stimulation is acceptable to us. What thrills a teenager might traumatize a child or an adult, while your neighbor's idea of fun might look to you like snooze time, foolhardiness, or worse. If you're going on vacation with friends, get together ahead of time to discuss what you'd like to do during your trip. If you find that you have widely diverse sets of interests, agree that you'll occasionally break up into various combinations. For example, some of you might want to go shopping while others play golf, fish, or go parasailing. Plan to meet back at the hotel at a given hour. Make reservations at a fun restaurant and share your day's experiences with each other. And have the good sense and good manners not to get into domestic tiffs when you're vacationing with friends. A nice hotel might make you feel very much at home, but don't import your relationship issues to your vacation site! If you and your significant other aren't getting along, maybe you should postpone the trip until you've cleared things up.

TAKING THE KIDS

Children, like sponges, absorb the emotional vibes of the people around them. If you're happy, flexible, and positive about your trip, they probably will be, too. If you view every setback as a catastrophe, however, they'll also see things that way, and an anxious, overwrought child can be a problem, especially if she or he is also tired. Candy, the woman whose bickering husband ruined her vacation, had problems with her kids as well as with her spouse. "After a while my children wouldn't have anything to do with Jim. They kept huddling behind me. I couldn't get away from them for five seconds-- they wouldn't let me out of their sight. The icing on the cake was when my five-year-old son dropped Daddy's video camera and it broke. You know, I think he did it on purpose." Here are a few tips for traveling with tots: Pace yourself. Your kids will want to do everything at once. Help them write down a list of the things they want to do, and together figure out how much you can get to in a single day. If you stay up for the final fireworks at Disneyland, or have another late-night adventure planned, prepare to sleep in a little the next day. Traveling makes many kids hyper. John F. Taylor, Ph.D., a leading expert in the treatment of clinically hyperactive children, says that diets rich in protein and low in nitrites and nitrates can help control childhood hyperactivity. So be sure to provide healthy snacks. A grocery store is a better place to buy munchies than a fast-food restaurant. If you dine at adult-oriented restaurants, make your reservations for the earliest hour feasible. Invite the kids to think of restaurant dining as an adventure. Talk about the food, and encourage them to try new dishes, especially local specialties. Be sure to bring Teddy, Blankie, or whatever other comfort object your child has adopted. Technically, these items are "transitional objects"--concrete reminders of the love relationship you have with them. They need these warm fuzzies when they're in unfamiliar environments. Don't forget the suntan lotion! Kids' skin is extra sensitive, and kids' sunburns hurt just as much as grownups' do.

A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR

A vacation is a time-limited experience, with an identifiable beginning, middle and end. It can be the one time in the calendar year when you're free from the pressures of daily life--when you can truly live in the "here and now." The troubles of the past and the anxieties of future can drop away when you're traveling. When you get back home, you'll be a slightly different person than you were when you left, able to view your work and maybe your whole life from a slightly different perspective. Ahhhh . . . now that's just what the doctor ordered.

Lin Weber is a Marriage, Family and Child Counselor in private practice in Napa, California. She has two children and loves to travel.